I said I wasn't going to do the vagueries anymore. I didn't mean to, but it was super fresh and uncertain? no, not uncertain... too scary for either of us to admit? That's probably closer to the truth.
So - Sergio. That's what I am talking about. It's a lot of "when you know, you know." And also something else... something deeper, something harder to explain. I'm not going to try to, or dwell on that. It feels good, that's what matters.
The thing I was worried about (aside from the vulnerability) was if I was doing this just out of loneliness. Spoiler, I'm not - and I could not be more clear in my own mind about that. Spending some time contemplating that question left me feeling immensely grateful for the work that I have put into meditation these last 8 months or so. Trusting myself to pull at strings, see the forest, know what is real, these are things that I absolutely was failing at previously. I pulled at strings, yeah, but not in a healthy way.
So yeah, Sergio. He's adorable. He makes me feel like a person of value. He is deeply committed to his community. He is a country boy. He is brilliant. He is accomplished. He is widely loved by a large family and community. Sacha effin LOVES him. Like, almost as much as me. Oh! and he spent time with Sacha alone today and they talked... He reported to me that she totally understood their conversation and what he felt like her response was.
Y'all! He said this to me like he wasn't a crazy person. You know, like I do about the conversations she and I have. If you are open to how she communicates, there is a conversation there. I love that he can see that and that she loves him, too.
I'm really excited about what we are doing. I want to see what we build. I want to see what I can help him accomplish and what he can help me do as well.
That is the other piece - This last week I have seen an awakening in myself - a Chuck Sosa that I haven't seen in a long time. Confident, charming, driven... with something else for sure. A whole lot of something else, experience. It's a sober and realistic confidence and drive, but I like it. Measured, responsible, attainable.
The path is taking shape. I am committed to it. However it shapes up. It's not simply because I don't have another path in mind, it's because I feel like I got here through listening to -my- -self- in as much as I have one, and being true to that. The path that is taking shape is one whose foundation was built with that truth at it's core. So if my desire is to follow what I believe to be my true path, without judgement or expectations, then I would be on that path. right?
Logical? Crazy? I'm open to input, truly.
The takeaway from this should that I am so freakin' happy, y'all! Sergio makes me happy. I feel valued and see my well filling. I'm gonna need it. The cards are clear that this path is not easy, but they also say it is "work worth doing." The first cards talked about my crumbling foundation. Then they stopped talking about it. Then... about a week ago... they brought up the foundation again. But this time it was one Tower... then all about rebirth, rebuilding, stability, community, there was a seven of pentacles in there for some reapingsowing business... Just saying. I take it all with a grain of salt but it is interesting to watch the flow.
CHUCK
23:27 - 2024-05-04
Recent entries:
three forty six - 2024-05-04
three forty five - 2024-04-29
three forty four - 2024-04-14
three forty three - 2024-04-14
three forty two - 2010-03-01
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
chucksosa